I get tons of emails from guys asking me all kinds of questions about sex parties. Whether it's your first time, or you're an experienced sex party guest, please read these, especially my comments on "exclusive" sexy parties. I hope my comments are useful to you. Here are some of the most common questions I get.
I'm nervous about going. And what if I see someone I know?
This is the number one concern that I hear from guys. First off, I have never been to a sex party where I felt forced to do anything I didn't want to do. Nor have I ever felt I had to stay at a party I didn't like. Go and participate in the way you feel most comfortable, but abide by the hosts' rules. If you are not comfortable, just quietly leave. I've done it. You may indeed run into someone you know. I often see my friends, co-workers, etc. at sex parties. At first it weirded me out. At one of those 300-man Team Pig parties a few years ago, I saw a colleague of mine who I am really not attracted to in the least bit, and I had a choice: I could try to avoid him all night and end up having a bad time, or I could just get over it. So I walked up to him, said a big friendly "Hi!" then we chatted a bit, and I made it perfectly clear with my body language and eye contact that I was NOT interested in having sex with him. So I got that out of the way, and I ended up having a really fun time! Don't let your non-sex friends and acquaintances ruin your good time. And remember, they are there for the same reason you are!
I'm not really gay, can I still go?
Of course. This is why I say "all-male events" (and not "gay events"). If you are straight, bisexual or questioning, you would certainly be welcome at any of these parties. Note, however, that guys might touch you and hit you up for sex. Play in a way that makes you comfortable.
Can I just go and watch? Or can I just go and jack off?
At a larger sex party, especially a pool party or one where drinks/food are being served, yeah, you can probably just go and watch or just jerk off. But don't show up and sit in a chair and hang out on your phone. At very least, socialize and engage with others. Guys may touch you and come on to you sexually. You can of course simply say no, but note that if you don't handle it politely, you may find yourself shunned. At smaller parties, it's usually not cool to just go to watch; you should participate. The big pool parties tend to be more social than sexual anyway, and not all guys are naked at them.
Do I have to get naked?
Some hosts have a rule that all clothes come off at the door. Others don't have this rule, especially the pool parties and larger dance/sex parties. For smaller parties (house parties, hotel parties), you should get naked or at very least down to your underwear. The host or organizer will usually make this clear beforehand.
What if I don't have the hot body for a sex party?
Well, you have choices. Don't go to the party. Or go and feel good about your body and you just might have a good time. The larger sex parties, especially bear events, are very welcoming to guys of all body types, ages, and dick sizes. On the other hand, I've been to sex parties where everyone looks like a porn model (and I did NOT fit in!)
What's with these "exclusive" parties?
Let's face it, like it or not, there are a few sex parties out there where you won't "make the cut." It may happen to you. It has happened to me. My advice to you, and to everyone, would be this: When sending "audition" pics for an invite (not all parties ask for your photo), send good RECENT pics of yourself that show what you really look like today; this will avoid an uncomfortable situation at the door when you arrive. Also, in general, you should take care of your body, not just to get invited to an exclusive sex party (although that's a fair motivation), but just for your own health and well-being. Prepare for a "no" and accept it. But also prepare for a "yes."
Are the guys all HIV negative/STD free/vaccinated? Is everyone using condoms?
The answer is of course no. Even if a party host tells you "HIV neg only," you should not believe that for one second; aside from requiring everyone on-site be tested, which is not even practical, there's no way to ensure that all guests are neg. You should of course stay home if you are symptomatic for ANYthing. I urge you to take all the precautions that are right for you. Please visit the Your Health & Safety on my site to learn more about HIV testing and treatment, other STDs and to learn about PrEP. How do I host my own sex party?
Organizing a sex party is a HUGE amount of work, even a small party. A few things to consider: The hardest part is promoting it and answering emails and text messages about it. Plan on only 25-40% of your RSVPs to actually show up; many will flake. Pool parties are a huge hit. Hotel parties are easier to organize than house parties. Free alcohol is an attractor; so is food. Make sure your guests are all at least 18 (or 21 if there's alcohol). Charging admission for a new party that nobody knows about is likely to be a deterrent. A successful sex party isn't necessarily a huge one, but it's one at which everyone has fun and feels comfortable. See the List Your Event to learn how you can list your event on MenPlayLA. Can I get gangbanged at a sex party?
Don't count on this. At small sex parties, if you try to make the party all about you, the other guests will probably resent you. At huge sex parties, there can be hundreds of men, and everyone's attention is very divided because of the tremendous options for sex partners. Bottoms who go to those parties with the fantasy of 50 men fucking them for three hours non-stop may end up disappointed.
Are there guys doing drugs at these parties?
Many of the parties I list have a "no drugs/PNP" policy. "PNP" means "party and play," which usually means hard drugs like crystal meth and cocaine. For those parties that don't say "no PNP," you should still assume that drugs probably won't be tolerated. Many parties are pot/420 friendly and some are BYOB for alcohol or have an open bar. Poppers always seem to be welcome at any sex party. I urge you to stay safe, sane and sober at any sex party. ALWAYS keep your eyes on your own beverages, stop drinking anything that tastes funny, and be very cautious about a stranger getting you a drink. MenPlayLA never knowingly lists parties that promote illegal drug use or any illegal activity.
None of the events listed anywhere on this website are MenPlayLA's events. MenPlayLA does not organize, plan or work for these events, nor invite anyone to any of them.
MenPlayLA does not tolerate or post events promoting or engaging in prostitution, sex trafficking, illegal drug use, or any other illegal activity. Notify: [email protected].
MenPlayLA urges you to stay safe, alert, sane and sober at any sex party. Please see the Your Health & Safety tab to find community resources that can help you.